The Silence is Mine

Sunday, October 29, 2006

ytd was a bad day. in fact, i went to sch 5 times this wk, and tt includes ytd and e supposedly public holiday on tue. all in e name of a proj.

i feel my effort gg dwn e drain tho.

u knw how hard it is when deadlines are changed to suit one's own flexibility?

i hv so painstakinly compiled e parts to e report till 1 freakin am ytd mornin, linkin up paras tt didnt mk sense, ransackin my brain for gd vocab, coordinatin 6 different writin styles, and correctin so much bad english in e process..15 pgs all in all. but as i went for e mtg ytd, i didnt feel appreciated @ all.

except for 1 proj mate w/ her sincere sms thkin me for my effort, e rest didnt gv a damn. they jus assumed it was an ez job. i rched sch @ 2 pm ytd, waited for an hr for e proj mtg to start. can i help it tt evyone can only mk it @ 3 pm? can i help it if ppl starts tricklin in at 1/2 hr late? can i help it tt they didnt knw i was alr thr?

i knw when i left @ 430 pm, i heard murmurins. i knw my effort was brushed off, even tho parts to e report was uploaded jus a few hrs b4 i had to finish my task of editin. i also knw evyone had sth to do at e mtg today, evyone except me. but it's jus bcoz i did wht i had to do at home alr, while nobody else did.

i hv jus spent another 4 hrs on e proj..been workin on it since 9am. i hope this time, my effort can see e light at least. i think they shld use my professional cover pg instead of e ugly one ya? but who am i to say? my voice is often not heard anyway.

dnt mk me feel like i am shirkin responsibility. dnt marginalize my contribution. dnt regret tt my capability wasnt leveraged. i knw i can gv more, but i refuse to do so. i hv to turn u dwn, for my presence wasnt even acknowledged. oh man..how do i hate tt.

Sharon | 12:52 PM
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Saturday, October 21, 2006

i cnt help sighin.

i feel like i am under an anathema..*gulp*

a premonition is enterin my life nx wk, and no, i'm not lookin fwd to it for it's sth bad.

when i stare at e paper, e paper stared back at me.
i'm tellin it, i dnt udstd u.
ironically, it's tellin me, u dnt udstd me.

to tt i replied smugly. who gvs a damn abt not udstdg u?

ultimately my penalty wld b jus a grade i dnt wana see.

big deal.

i knw thr isnt a choice anymore. i am on a one way street. so be it.

jus leave me alone and dnt daunt me. i am ~~very~~ not scared.

but i am stil sighin..

Sharon | 11:31 PM
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Thursday, October 19, 2006

i knw today wil b a damn day frm e time i left my hse.
my toe got caught in e dr -_- i act jammed up e photostatin machine in sch..hahaha opps..and i had to rack my brains for one of my asgm qns..*sigh*

anyhow, i'm back to my intk of vitamin f(riends) agn=) it kinda brot back e nostalgia frm last sem. ytd when i was on e train w/ cecilia and winnie, it suddenly dawned on me tt i hvnt been gg hm w/ them for a long while. today when i felt so lost over my asgm qn, strugglin to complete it, ryan and vic were so nice. spent over an hr tryin to rationalise e ans w/ me and accompanyin me thrafter to submit my paper. i wasnt alone aftall.

it's gd to knw when u look beside u to see invisible air, at least when u look behind, you stil find people rootin for u. i'm realy thkful for this grp of friends in nus. ryan, thks for listenin to my nonsense. i rmb sayin this last sem, and i hv to say this agn. thks for e msn chats for e past few days, and forcin e bad feelins i generated in sch out of me. thks for tryin to help and bein thr when i needed it most. i owe u our friendship!

tyy and i had tutu kueh at tm today! delicious! and i'm so proud tt for e past 2 days, i act sustained on jus a heavy meal and a light meal each day. i'm not anorexic lah..jus didnt feel like eatin..but at e rate i'm gg, i shld b able to fit nicely into my old levis pretty sn..and i'm v much lookin fwd to tt!:D i told her i saw this guy (didnt ask for his name) frm tms in e lib today..was q shocked he knew me since we nv had a conversation b4 today tho we were in e same sch for 4 yrs..but i gues thr's a 1st to evyth lah. it's nice seein familiar faces in campus!

u knw stms u feel hunger and e subsequent impendin feelin of wantin to faint? i hv always felt if i were unable in anyway to get fd for my own gd, someone wil get it for me. right this time, when i had this feelin, fd was before my eyes. and it was frm e ppl i hv conveniently neglected this sem. tt sparked off a realy gd feelin in me. i'm filled and happy nw=)

Sharon | 8:16 PM
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006

pa: wht do u wana hv for brkfast today?

mummy: i dnt knw..u decide lor..

pa: i hv been suggestin for e past few days leh..can u jus think of sth today?

mummy: ...

me: -_-

extract of e conversation i jus heard 10 mins ago.

and i thot only mr leong and i mk a fuss over such issues.
i think my parens are so cute!
dnt u think so? =D hahaha.

on a lighter note, thks girls, for e tags to tell me i'm not alone. i apprced tt v much:)

e hrs frm 12mn til this mornin were so hard to bear. thr's nth realy wrg, but thr isnt anyth right either. they made a rampage agn. lasted for an hr too:( i didnt had a gd nite's slp at all..and i hv 6hrs of lesns ltr..

i dnt realy cr abt e journey anymore. i jus want e end to b accelerated. i am in sufferin..i knw it and i think it's time i loosen my grip.

The Perfect Silence. Very Much Pursued.

Sharon | 9:05 AM
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Saturday, October 14, 2006

i had a stomach of grouses frm wrk today. compound tt w/ e pressure i am facin in sch right nw. even e most sane person wld become insane. stil, i knew no one wld b ard @ hm to hear me out. my key wld turn the door latch and open me to an empty house, for my mummy and sarah were shoppin at bugis.

so after lunch and some online surfin, i decided to nap, hopin tt when i awake, e bad feelins wld b gone. to e contrary, they didnt. i felt a sinkin heart, and wierd like it sounds, e feelin was tt like someone had wrought my heart while i was slpin.

after a weak attempt to flip thru my notes, i decided to brk free.

donned in a tight fittin tee (tt i didnt change out frm wrk), baggy shorts and sarah's tattered adidas, i gues i was e worse dressed jogger in e park. not tt i realy cared. my heartbeat was in almost flawless tandem w/ my footsteps, and along w/ jay's songs, it felt realy realy gd.

when i came home, they were stil not back yet. surely, it doesnt help tt e 2 persons i yearned to talk to were preoccupied. one was out w/ friends, e other was attendin a birthday party. i chked my hp, no missed smses/calls. but e fact of e matter was both smsed me earlier in e aftnn, but i didnt reply.

then y was i waitin for any smses when i didnt reply?

beats me. but perhaps if my no reply had generated a reply, i wldnt hv felt so alone at tt pt in time.

and then i decided to sign in to msn, wanted to click on a target, any target, to pour evyth out. at tt instance, i saw this:

Onwah says:hey wats ur Blog add? i wanna see the thai boxing pics heheeee

my potential target? not tt i wld hv told her. she wldnt b interested, but then i searched myself thoroughly for words and found tt i was empty. i hv forgotten y i was feelin so aggravated. my uneasiness seemed to be gone w/ e wind.

at a time like this, i seriously cld feel e importance of self-reliant. i gues i can stil cope and tt no one is indispensable in this world.

~~复杂眼泪。~~

我要快乐。=)

Sharon | 5:43 PM
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Sunday, October 01, 2006

on 1st oct 2006, let yours truly, a kid at heart, wish u
happy children's day!

advanced celebration ytd w/ e bitch, esther tay, @ nsrcc=)

1 writing well-wishes for e birthday girl
2, 3 photographer for e day
4 en and wl
5 my date!
6 small part of 02s15
7 part of tms clique
8 us agn
9 softballers

girl, i hope u enjoyed your 21st celebration! welcome to adulthood!

note: see the boy in 2,3? he noticed darrell changed his spects (he shld b e ONLY one to notice) even tho he met him jus ONCE prior to ytd. *faint* i think i see CS in e background of 2, CS' gf, pls request tt photo frm me b4 i delete it=X

Sharon | 11:31 PM
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